20 October 2006
How To Carve A Pumpkin
19 October 2006
Battlefield 2142 (AKA, The Halcyon Days)
Here is a fact: The happiest days of my life were the few weeks that spanned the release of the Battlefield 2142 demo. I am not joking. My friends and I have talked about this frequently. Seriously, we have never been happier in our lives than when we were podding. Is it avoidance? Is it an escape? Is it sloth? Hell, yes! It is all of them, and damn it, I was never happier.
Yesterday, the actual game was released. My friends and I preordered it. I now sport a BF2 Flash drive that looks like a pair of dog tags. My friend wore his to work, because he thought people would be jealous and it made him cool.
Should I be concerned that I want to actually be identified with any commercial product, much less a video game? Yes.
Am I embarrassed? No.
I am not embarrassed because I am different. I am special. I can’t wait to blow the hell out of this office and Game Game my face off!
Here is to the return of the Halcyon Days!
18 October 2006
Can't Live With Them, Can Live Without Them
Having a woman report from the sidelines of a football game, would be like me reporting from the sidelines of a women’s soccer game. Except, I couldn't do a sideline report from a women’s soccer game, because women’s soccer sucks more than women’s basketball, and I wouldn't be there in the first place. So perhaps it's not a good analogy, but I know one thing: a woman football sideline reporter isn't my thing, and I believe it could be an unnatural and unholy undertaking. In fact, I have it on good authority that it makes God cry.
Here is the BOTTOM line: I would rather shove FIVE, that is right, FIVE Pineapples where the sun don't shine rather than listen to a single second of a sideline bimbo whine!
17 October 2006
Pop Rocks & Pineapples Mission Statement
Our formula's genius lies in its simplicity: Five Packages of Pop Rocks represents the crème de la crème, while Five Pineapples represents the worst of the worst.
The intrinsic meanings of the aforementioned symbols are profound; however, for readers untrained in interpreting the symbols revealed within the hallowed pages of the canon of human literature, we offer you an abridged explanation--Pop Rocks go where you would most like them to go, and Pineapples go where you would least like them to go.
It is our belief that observing and interpreting the chain of human events with the Pop Rocks and Pineapples Paradigm remains the fastest and purest road to enlightenment. We humbly offer the world our minds to accomplish this end, and we pray you will join us to help make our world a better place...One Pineapple or Pop Rock at a time!